To My Fellow Resto Shamans,

March 6, 2009 at 2:42 pm 10 comments

To my fellow resto shamans:

Gluth eats zombie chow.  Zombie chow eat resto shamans.  It’s some Circle of Life thing (or perhaps Unlife?  I’m not sure.  Ask a druid.)  If you’re cheerfully chain healing away and a chow-destined zombie decides that you look like a tasty kibble yourself, the appropriate response is not to scream at the top of your lungs. 

Announce it on Vent?  Sure. 

Spam your /w Tank HALP! HALP! It’s eating meeeee! macro?  … maybe.  But you probably want to save that one for the enraged fire elementals in Obsidian Sanctum.  (Otherwise, your pet tankadin may become desensitized to the general panickyness of your panic button, rendering it utterly un-useful.)

But shriek like a gnome mage with her pigtails on fire?  Never.

This—

Zombie Chow on me.
Zombie Chow on me!
Zombie Chow on me!
GET THIS F’ING ZOMBIE CHOW OFF OF ME NOW!

—is just embarrassing.  Not just to you, but to every shaman who has ever summoned the elements to her command, or even just invited them to a nice vegetarian picnic in Thunderbluff …

What?  I was, like, five.

No.  You, gentle Tauren (or not-so-gentle Troll, Orc or Spacegoat) are a shaman. 

You are, arguably, the second-best kiting class in the game.

And you heal with lasers

So if one of Gluth’s leftovers decide to eat your braaains, and the rest of your raid is too busy tanking, healing, kiting, whacking away at the heels of a giant zombified dog or sitting /afk in the tunnel of Bad Green Stuff® to come to your rescue … this is what you do:

1.  Target the offending zombie.  (Note: Due to some weird bug, it won’t show up on Grid, so you’ll actually have to Clique click on it.)

2.  Open your Spellbook.  Look through the three non-resto tabs (I’d be more specific, but my Spellbook doesn’t actually have non-resto tabs; my alter-ego’s felhunter must have eaten them…) until you find Frost Shock. 

3.  Click Frost Shock.

4.  Switch Recount to show Damage Done rather than Healing Done, scroll alllll the way to the bottom, and giggle with glee.  You DPS’d something!  Go you!

5.  Toggle back to Healing Done to make sure that new tree druid isn’t catching up to you.  (But if he is, don’t worry; he’s getting nerfed again next patch.)

6.  If steps 4 and 5 took a while, you might have to complete steps 2 and 3 again.  Like the ice stone, Frost Shock melts.

7.  Flee! Kite the zombie towards the back of the room.  Try to run him through a hunter’s freezing trap, if possible.

8.  Drop an Earthbind totem.

9.  Hopefully, one of the real kiters will have picked up aggro on the zombie chow by now.  Return to your spot in time for the decimate.  Save the day!

10.  Congratulate the holy paladin on her new tanking pants and the shadow priest on his healing ones, because Protector tokens are a myth.

I should probably mention that if you’re on main tank heals, or if your raid is running healer light, then none of this applies.  Feel free to scream like the aforementioned gnome.

But if you’re with running three resto shamans, two priests and a veritable forest of trees, then there is absolutely no excuse.

You know who you are.

Both of you.

❤ Liluye

 

P.S. This is an improvement over the emo bear tabard … how?

Liluye, eh?

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Torontadin is -so- a word. 2,000 words

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. The Renaissance Man  |  March 6, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    You know, I’ve always been one of the tag team tanks for the Gluth fight. I’ve heard the screams, and seen people die on the raid tab, but I’ve always been too focused on Gluth’s well manicured paws to really have any sense of what happens out there. That’s an interesting piece you’ve written.

    Reply
  • 2. Peter  |  March 6, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    I always enjoy those fights where our healing is off the charts so I can indulge in a little Flame Shock-Lightning Boltx3-Lava Burst rotation and feel like I am doing dee-pee-ess…until I check recount and see I was hitting 1300 WITH 9 charges on Thaddius. Then I go back to chain heal and keep my mouth shut.

    My strategy on Gluth is to set up the totems at max range from the tanks and make everyone else stand near them so the zombie plows (paladins) have a target for their kiting circle. I then set my focus to Gluth just in case, and turn the camera around so I am facing the zombie plows, not Gluth. If a Zombie comes knocking on my door, I Wind Shock them, rather than Frost Shock, so they go beat on someone else. Problem Solved. (Well, not solved, exactly, but now they are someone else’s problem).

    Even though they are now beating on someone else, when the zombie plows come running by and consecrate/holy wrath/exorcism/whatever else they do to mash undead, my former zombie friend has a lower aggro table and is not slowed by the Frost Shock.

    Reply
  • 3. Elleiras  |  March 6, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    That’s a neat trick, with Wind Shock. I hadn’t thought of that. All silliness aside, I tend to get really bored on this fight so I relish the opportunity to do some good old fashioned Frost Shock kiting.

    I’ll try Wind Shock next time, though. If I can get our two other restos to do it, we might even be able to play a game of zombie ping pong in the back of the room … I bet our tankadin will loooove that!

    Reply
  • 4. Rohan  |  March 6, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    I think the new tabard looks awesome!

    Reply
  • 5. BobTurkey  |  March 8, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    Heh heh. Great post. I giggled to myself (very quietly im at work).

    Gobble gobble.

    Reply
  • 6. A Blogger After My Own Heart « I Like Bubbles  |  March 8, 2009 at 10:32 pm

    […] I link you here instead, because a funny rant is always a good […]

    Reply
  • 7. Anea  |  March 9, 2009 at 7:46 am

    Hee. Resto-Shaman perspective is fun.

    I especially like step #4 – I do this sometimes! (Not Frost Shock, of course, but Holy Nova or some such, but it puts me on the map!)

    Reply
  • 8. Aurik  |  March 12, 2009 at 4:54 am

    /late but I loved this post so I had to comment 🙂 (I’m terrible for not commenting often but posts which make my giggle aloud need to be replied to!).

    As a shammy, I feel that I am a big-tough-healb0t! I’m not so much of a wuss that I have to wear plate but I’m tough enough to be able to wear mail and still wave my arms around!

    Thus, I not only do not scream if getting eaten by zombies but also drag them off of the more squishy healers (who rightly scream because have you seen what zombie goo does to a dress?) and take them over to the big consecration circle, or red-sparkly-floor thingy where they will suddenly decide that something in tin-plating looks more tasty (they’re zombies, can’t expect much by way of taste).

    Also… female moo /cheer

    /hug

    Reply
  • 9. repgrind  |  March 14, 2009 at 7:05 am

    I would SO wear that tabard.

    Reply
  • 10. Leah  |  March 14, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    you know, on one of our impromtu 10 man runs – that’s exactly what I did 🙂 ok, well, me and a ret pally were designated kiters and I was elemental at the time, but who cares about details 😛 zombie chow is so darn easy to kite on a shaman.. frost shock the newly emmerged zombie so tht it goes for you instead of that clump of happless deepees near the door and then dance around the earthbind totem with your ever growing pack of mindless groupies. walk them through magma totem periodicaly to keep the aggro on you and bask in a glory that is a shaman 🙂

    speaking of windshok – it is vey rarely (read special sircumstances/specific fights) that in a good run us healers don’t have a single freem moment from heals.

    so I gleefuly interrupt spells with windshock (hey – that’s less healing you have to do, in case of the frost bolt volley on KT), or dispell bone armor with purge whenever I can 🙂

    yes, I’m a hunter. but shaman are simply glorious.

    Reply

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