Posts tagged ‘Gluth’

To My Fellow Resto Shamans,

To my fellow resto shamans:

Gluth eats zombie chow.  Zombie chow eat resto shamans.  It’s some Circle of Life thing (or perhaps Unlife?  I’m not sure.  Ask a druid.)  If you’re cheerfully chain healing away and a chow-destined zombie decides that you look like a tasty kibble yourself, the appropriate response is not to scream at the top of your lungs. 

Announce it on Vent?  Sure. 

Spam your /w Tank HALP! HALP! It’s eating meeeee! macro?  … maybe.  But you probably want to save that one for the enraged fire elementals in Obsidian Sanctum.  (Otherwise, your pet tankadin may become desensitized to the general panickyness of your panic button, rendering it utterly un-useful.)

But shriek like a gnome mage with her pigtails on fire?  Never.

This—

Zombie Chow on me.
Zombie Chow on me!
Zombie Chow on me!
GET THIS F’ING ZOMBIE CHOW OFF OF ME NOW!

—is just embarrassing.  Not just to you, but to every shaman who has ever summoned the elements to her command, or even just invited them to a nice vegetarian picnic in Thunderbluff …

What?  I was, like, five.

No.  You, gentle Tauren (or not-so-gentle Troll, Orc or Spacegoat) are a shaman. 

You are, arguably, the second-best kiting class in the game.

And you heal with lasers

So if one of Gluth’s leftovers decide to eat your braaains, and the rest of your raid is too busy tanking, healing, kiting, whacking away at the heels of a giant zombified dog or sitting /afk in the tunnel of Bad Green Stuff® to come to your rescue … this is what you do:

1.  Target the offending zombie.  (Note: Due to some weird bug, it won’t show up on Grid, so you’ll actually have to Clique click on it.)

2.  Open your Spellbook.  Look through the three non-resto tabs (I’d be more specific, but my Spellbook doesn’t actually have non-resto tabs; my alter-ego’s felhunter must have eaten them…) until you find Frost Shock. 

3.  Click Frost Shock.

4.  Switch Recount to show Damage Done rather than Healing Done, scroll alllll the way to the bottom, and giggle with glee.  You DPS’d something!  Go you!

5.  Toggle back to Healing Done to make sure that new tree druid isn’t catching up to you.  (But if he is, don’t worry; he’s getting nerfed again next patch.)

6.  If steps 4 and 5 took a while, you might have to complete steps 2 and 3 again.  Like the ice stone, Frost Shock melts.

7.  Flee! Kite the zombie towards the back of the room.  Try to run him through a hunter’s freezing trap, if possible.

8.  Drop an Earthbind totem.

9.  Hopefully, one of the real kiters will have picked up aggro on the zombie chow by now.  Return to your spot in time for the decimate.  Save the day!

10.  Congratulate the holy paladin on her new tanking pants and the shadow priest on his healing ones, because Protector tokens are a myth.

I should probably mention that if you’re on main tank heals, or if your raid is running healer light, then none of this applies.  Feel free to scream like the aforementioned gnome.

But if you’re with running three resto shamans, two priests and a veritable forest of trees, then there is absolutely no excuse.

You know who you are.

Both of you.

❤ Liluye

 

P.S. This is an improvement over the emo bear tabard … how?

Liluye, eh?

March 6, 2009 at 2:42 pm 10 comments


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