Posts tagged ‘Teh Canadian Invasion’

She’s just three apples tall.

SmurfetteOur Brazilian magelet logged on this weekend to do some serious leveling.  She took time off at the end of The Burning Crusade, but is back with a vengeance.  (We’ve missed her on Vent!  Raiding just hasn’t been the same without her random, pre-pull serenades.  You haven’t lived until you’ve heard the Johnson & Johnson jingle, immediately followed by Dory’s mantra — just keep swimming! just keep swimming! — and then some Green Day.  All in Portuguese.)

As you might expect from someone new to Northrend in a guild full of players who have leveled multiple alts to 80, our magelet is full of questions.

Should I start in Borean Tundra or Howling Fjord?

… How do you pronounce Howling Fjord, anyway? 

For the record, I’m pretty sure it’s fee-yord.

DHETA?  Really?!  Have all these druids lost their tree-loving minds?

Hey, can someone help me with this group quest real quick?

And, most recently:

Why is there a … leaf … on the guild tabard?

Our American critchicken (who is the process of growing bark; welcome back to /surrheal, Dio!) clued her in:

OH CANADA?

The magelet said it best: 

¬¬

I love my guild. ❤

 

P.S.  She’s a blue-skinned troll mage who shares a name with the Brazilian version of Smurfette.  Hence the references.  … also, don’t search for Smurfette in Google Images.  The 80’s will never be the same.  /shudder

Now please excuse me while I carve my eyes out with a spork and rinse my brain with bleach.

Assuming I survive, a real post will follow …

March 9, 2009 at 10:26 am 7 comments

To My Fellow Resto Shamans,

To my fellow resto shamans:

Gluth eats zombie chow.  Zombie chow eat resto shamans.  It’s some Circle of Life thing (or perhaps Unlife?  I’m not sure.  Ask a druid.)  If you’re cheerfully chain healing away and a chow-destined zombie decides that you look like a tasty kibble yourself, the appropriate response is not to scream at the top of your lungs. 

Announce it on Vent?  Sure. 

Spam your /w Tank HALP! HALP! It’s eating meeeee! macro?  … maybe.  But you probably want to save that one for the enraged fire elementals in Obsidian Sanctum.  (Otherwise, your pet tankadin may become desensitized to the general panickyness of your panic button, rendering it utterly un-useful.)

But shriek like a gnome mage with her pigtails on fire?  Never.

This—

Zombie Chow on me.
Zombie Chow on me!
Zombie Chow on me!
GET THIS F’ING ZOMBIE CHOW OFF OF ME NOW!

—is just embarrassing.  Not just to you, but to every shaman who has ever summoned the elements to her command, or even just invited them to a nice vegetarian picnic in Thunderbluff …

What?  I was, like, five.

No.  You, gentle Tauren (or not-so-gentle Troll, Orc or Spacegoat) are a shaman. 

You are, arguably, the second-best kiting class in the game.

And you heal with lasers

So if one of Gluth’s leftovers decide to eat your braaains, and the rest of your raid is too busy tanking, healing, kiting, whacking away at the heels of a giant zombified dog or sitting /afk in the tunnel of Bad Green Stuff® to come to your rescue … this is what you do:

1.  Target the offending zombie.  (Note: Due to some weird bug, it won’t show up on Grid, so you’ll actually have to Clique click on it.)

2.  Open your Spellbook.  Look through the three non-resto tabs (I’d be more specific, but my Spellbook doesn’t actually have non-resto tabs; my alter-ego’s felhunter must have eaten them…) until you find Frost Shock. 

3.  Click Frost Shock.

4.  Switch Recount to show Damage Done rather than Healing Done, scroll alllll the way to the bottom, and giggle with glee.  You DPS’d something!  Go you!

5.  Toggle back to Healing Done to make sure that new tree druid isn’t catching up to you.  (But if he is, don’t worry; he’s getting nerfed again next patch.)

6.  If steps 4 and 5 took a while, you might have to complete steps 2 and 3 again.  Like the ice stone, Frost Shock melts.

7.  Flee! Kite the zombie towards the back of the room.  Try to run him through a hunter’s freezing trap, if possible.

8.  Drop an Earthbind totem.

9.  Hopefully, one of the real kiters will have picked up aggro on the zombie chow by now.  Return to your spot in time for the decimate.  Save the day!

10.  Congratulate the holy paladin on her new tanking pants and the shadow priest on his healing ones, because Protector tokens are a myth.

I should probably mention that if you’re on main tank heals, or if your raid is running healer light, then none of this applies.  Feel free to scream like the aforementioned gnome.

But if you’re with running three resto shamans, two priests and a veritable forest of trees, then there is absolutely no excuse.

You know who you are.

Both of you.

❤ Liluye

 

P.S. This is an improvement over the emo bear tabard … how?

Liluye, eh?

March 6, 2009 at 2:42 pm 10 comments

Torontadin is -so- a word.

Surreality, eh?The running joke in my guild is that the Canadians are taking over — so much so that our resident Torontadin recently suggested adding an “…eh?” to the end of the guild name.  /facepalm

Between the not-infrequent AFK’s for hockey, endless teasing about maple syrup and bags of milk (NO, I am not talking Tauren!), and the fact that those of us who can remember our very first foray into Karazhan are absolutely convinced that there’s a level 73 elite boot hidden somewhere in the Shade of Aran’s chamber …

Let’s just say that it’s nothing short of a miracle that our guild tabard doesn’t have a maple leaf on it somewhere.

(… Don’t go getting any crazy ideas, now.  Yes, Mr. “I-Blame-The-Hunter”, I’m looking at you!)

Who buys their milk in bags? Really?

Anyway, when the illustrious Kestrel linked to a WoW blog/webcomic by the name of World of Warcraft, eh?, I was intrigued.  And afraid.

Very afraid.

Keaton and Karthis, this one’s for you.

March 5, 2009 at 4:11 pm 8 comments

Nerf Hockey

In spite of the fact that I have a Canadian boyfriend, I know next to nothing about hockey.  I know what hockey is, of course, but asking me about hockey is a lot like asking my brother about WoW. 

“Um, it’s a computer game.  With … dragons?  And elves.  And stuff.”

Yes, and hockey is a sport.  Played on ice.  With pucks.  And sticks.  And stuff.

On Saturday, I learned something else about hockey: it’s totally OP.

So we’re in Naxx 25, right?  Just cleared Arachnid and Plague wings, skipping Military for now since we only have one priest (WTB priests: Shadow or Holy!  PST!), and racing for Patchwerk … which, damn it, I’m going to have to heal on my mini-shammy because our holy paladin just got called into work.  >.<  And I so wanted to see if I could beat last week’s 3.7K dps! 

Of course, this means we’ll have no warlocks in the group, because our destrolock /gquit over some imagined loot drama (I gave Sartharion’s staff to a druid; how dare I?  Have I no class loyalty?!) and our demolock is off planning a wedding. 

Oh well.  I’ll soulstone the lone priest before I zone out, and I already dropped a well, so no one will miss me on my warlock for the 30 seconds it takes to kill Patchwerk — right?

… If only …

Apparently, somewhere, in a strange alternate universe where sports are actually relevant … there’s a hockey game going on.  And it’s kind of important to the Canadians in my guild.  Which is about half of the current raid roster, give or take a boomchicken or two.  Most are watching and WoWing, but one, a tree, decides to /afk for the trash up to Patchwerk for the last five minutes of the game.  (Something about overtime?  Yeah, I’m really not listening.  I tune out the sportstalk almost as effectively as I ignore the random train noises in raid.)

Tree goes kitty, stealths, and/afks … in the slime room.

Which is the big circular room.

Full of slimes. 

That respawn almost as soon as they die, and continue to respawn until Patchwerk is down.

Yeah, those slimes.

And did I mention they need to be killed by ranged DPS? 

And since I’m on my shaman, we’re down to one mage, one hunter and a boomchicken?

 

Slime Wipe #1:

Our raid leader (my boyfriend, who is also watching the game) calls out the usual warning: 

“All ranged on slimes; melee — stay back!” 

Me to him, on our private u2u channel:  “Um, Jef.  Rogues are melee dps, right?  So … why are they Fan of Knive-ing again?”

“…”

 

Slime Wipe #2:

“Quick rezzes!  Before the slimes respawn—”

*glub, glub*

 

Slime Wipe #3:

Hey, we managed to kill the respawning slimes and made it into the next chamber.  Go us! 

But our tree is still /afk and since I’m on my shaman, there are no warlocks in the raid to summon him safely through the slime room when he returns.

Awesome.

Suddenly, Vent erupts in cheers.  And our tree is back!  And spamming raid chat with a multiline “YESSSS–” that I am not even going to attempt to reproduce here. 

I guess that means Canada won? 

Okay, time to reclear the slime room and rescue our wayward tree.  But from the wrong side, so there’s not a whole lot of room to kite.  And we have these wide canals of deadly green goo to navigate.  And …

Chaos.  Pure chaos.

I Chain Heal my heart out, but between the slimes and the goo, I can’t keep up with the raid damage.  Grid becomes a switchboard of flickering, fading, dying lights. 

And …

… did someone just pull Patchwerk? 

 

Triumph! Kind of …

Someone DI’d the feral druid, who is now doing the bear /dance in his bubble. 

Slimes: 3, Us: 0

But who cares?  Canada won! 

“Maybe Elle should switch to her warlock for trash?” the Tankadin suggests.  “In case there are more deaths and we need to summon people in from Venomspite?”

Makes sense to me!  I park my shaman safely on the Patchwerk side of the slime room and log out.  Hop onto my warlock.

… Wait, what’s this? …

“You are not in this instance’s group” and are about to be ported to Dalaran? 

/cry

Zone out.  Zone in.

The instance recognizes me again and apologizes for its previous rejection.  We make amends.  Warm and fuzzies abound!

Wait a second.  Does this mean that when I log onto my shaman, she’ll be auto-hearthed to Dal, with no way to return to Naxxramas short of a drake flight and yet another reclear of the slime room?

Why, yes.  Yes it does.

Our (American) rogue sums it up quite nicely:

“FUCKKKKKKKK HOCKEY.”

The mage speaks up, tentatively:

“I have a level 80 warlock on another account.  Should I … ?”

Yes.  Yes!  YES!

We’re running with 24 anyway, so we can accomodate a dual-boxer.  For sure.

We reclear the slime room — with no deaths this time.  I summon his warlock, and relog.  He summons my shaman, parks his warlock in a corner, and pewpews on his mage for the rest of the fight.

Patchwerk dies. 

The slimes despawn.

The guild’s bottom rank goes from “I Wipe on Chess” to “I Wipe on Slime.”  (It was time for an update, anyway.)

Nerf hockey.

January 6, 2009 at 10:04 pm 3 comments


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